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“Only a matter of time,” Destiny Hopewell said into her tiny, pink cellphone. “And I’m finally getting the hell out of this town. For good.” “Yeah, yeah,” her friend said. “You’ve been saying that for eighteen years.” “You won’t be hearing it much longer. I’ve got a date with Tad tonight.” “Tad, the hotty college guy you’ve been emailing for, like, forever?” “That’s the Tad.” “Hey Des, that’s great. Just don’t get your hopes up, okay?” Destiny stopped walking. The warm, summer evening air felt like it was closing in on her. “What did you just say?” she snapped. There was a pause. “Uh…” “Look, Pru, I don’t care if you want to stay in this town of freaks for the rest of your life. I don’t. I want to go somewhere normal where I don’t bump into naked vampires or where garden gnomes don’t try to look up my skirt as I pass them. Don’t even get me started on those trailer trash witches who have it in for me. I can’t take it anymore. There’s a whole world out there that I want to see, and when I get out of here, I’m not looking back.” “What about your parents?” Destiny rolled her eyes. “When did you become the voice of reason? My parents are a huge part of why I want out of here. Look, I have to get home and get changed, okay?” “That’s cool. I have to get ready myself.” “Why? What are you doing tonight?” “I’m babysitting the Disdaine triplets.” “You’re kidding.” “They’re paying me amazing money, too. You babysat for them before, didn’t you?” Destiny reached down and tenderly rubbed her knee as she thought back to her babysitting stint with the Disdaine triplets. They hadn’t been happy with their assigned bedtime and hidden her kneecap for a few hours. She’d dragged herself around the garden looking for it while the brats stayed up watching TV and eating candy. When she finally found the kneecap she had to fight with a talking squirrel over it for a half an hour. Talking squirrels were hard to reason with. Ever since, she’d been walking with a bit of a limp, more pronounced when wearing fashionable footwear. Should she warn Pru? Not that it would be a surprise for anyone living in town that the triplets were evil incarnate. But still... Nah. Let her figure it out for herself. “I’m sure it will go fine,” she said. “Nothing to worry about. Anyhow, I’ll tell you all about my wonderful date tomorrow.” There was a long sigh on the other end of the line. “Have fun, okay?” Destiny hung up. Oh, she was going to have fun, all right. Nothing was going to go wrong tonight. It wasn’t every day an outsider came into town who wasn’t a total freakazoid. Like that naked vampire guy. What was his name? Seth…Stephen… something like that. Granted, he was a major hotty. But way weird. He’s fit in just fine in Brokenoggin Falls. But Destiny didn’t. Never had. And she never wanted to. She pulled her notepad out of her purse, and flipped forward to her to-do list. FRIDAY – D-DAY
** Note to self: Remember to scrape windshield of Toyota to remove remnants of suicidal fairy. ***Buy Windex.*** Tad Anderson was the answer to all her problems. He’d take her out tonight and she’d make him fall madly and passionately in love with her. He’d see her plight, her pain, her naturally large breasts, and want to rescue her. They’d drive off into the sunset together in his Porsche – in her mind he drove a red Porsche – and bye-bye Brokenoggin. Forever. The thought made her very happy. But nothing could go wrong tonight. Nothing. She had precisely, she looked at her watch, less than a half hour to get gorgeous, and wash the french fry smell off herself from working a six hour shift. No time to waste. As soon as Tad took her away from town, she’s never work for minimum wage again. She was going to be a model. Or maybe an actress. She had the looks, after all. Just another thing this lame ass town had kept her from achieving. She picked up her pace, but at the end of the block two familiar figures stepped into her path. She stopped. Great, just what she needed. The two trailer trash witches she’d been talking about a minute ago. Sabrina and Tabitha Wartly. Tabitha had been in her computer class at Brokenoggin High and had made her life practically unbearable. She sure was one ugly bee-yotch. “Well, looky here,” Tabitha sneered at her. “Destiny Hopeless, walking home from the greasepit.” “I’m not walking home from your face,” Destiny said. “And that’s the only greasepit I can see.” “Ha ha, that’s so funny I forgot to laugh.” Sabrina didn’t say anything, but even in the near darkness Destiny could see her eyes were red and puffy from crying. They finally matched the rest of her face. Destiny tucked her notebook back in her bag and crossed her arms. “What do you want? I’m in kind of a hurry here.” Tabitha glared at her. “Like the hurry you were in to steal my sister’s boyfriend?” Destiny stared at her blankly for a moment trying to figure out if she’d just gone insane. Sabrina’s boyfriend was a troll. Literally. She started to laugh. “Yeah, I so stole your boyfriend,” she said. “Not.” “He told me he’s in love with you,” Sabrina sputtered. “I saw the love letter he wrote you.” She stomped her foot. “You stole him from me!” “Look, loser-girl. I didn’t steal your boyfriend. If he has a fixation with me because I’m the only girl he’s met who isn’t covered in ugly warts, it’s not my fault.” Her bottom lip wobbled. “My mom calls them beauty warts.” “Riiight. Look, I’m going home now. I have an important date with a normal guy. Do you know what normal means? No, I didn’t think so.” She started walking but could hear the girls whispering behind her back. Then one of them laughed. Destiny turned around to look. They were holding hands and had their eyes closed while they chanted something through their giggles. Oh shit. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything about the warts, Destiny thought. It was obviously a sensitive issue. “What are you doing?” she demanded. “Important date, huh?” Tabitha grinned. Her two good teeth glinted in the moonlight. “Wouldn’t want it to come apart at the seams, would you?” Destiny stared at her. “What are you talking about?” Sabrina snickered. “Just try to keep it together…Destiny. Geez, don’t fall apart on us, okay? Wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you since you’ve always been so nice to us.” Destiny felt tense. The girls had done something--some spell. That much was obvious. But she didn’t feel any different. Shit. She’d been stupid to tease the two of them. Apart it was okay. Together they were…well, evil. But before she could ask them what they’d done to her, the sisters waved at her and laughed. Then they turned around and ran away. * * * Tad arrived right on time, and Destiny raced down the stairs at the sound of the doorbell. Didn’t want her father answering the door. Or her mother for that matter. If she could help it, he wouldn’t meet her folks at all. Ever. She took a deep breath and opened the door. Tad stood there looking as hot if not hotter than the photo he’d emailed her. Six feet tall, blonde hair, high cheekbones, full lips. He even had a damn dimple in his chin. She could have sworn she heard a chorus of angels singing, but noticed that the next door neighbors were having a karaoke party. Two furry people she didn’t recognize were outside howling at the moon in the key of G. She grabbed Tad’s sleeve to pull him inside so he wouldn’t witness the weirdness. She worried he was going to be disappointed in her since the picture she’d sent him was from a distance. A prom photo. It was a good picture of her, but she’d tried to cut out her prom date, a wizard by the name of Willard who’d brought her an enchanted corsage. They’d had to leave the dance early after the corsage ate a good chunk of the front part of her dress. “Wow,” Destiny said. “You look amazing.” “Thanks.” Tad smiled -- a bright, handsome, completely normal in every way smile. “You know, it’s weird. I could have sworn I saw a naked guy with a piece of wood sticking out of his chest on the other side of town.” “Really? That’s weird.” Change of subject, she told herself. Pronto. “Ready to go?” She grabbed her jacket and made for the door just as she heard a very familiar voice behind her. “Not quite yet, young lady. Don’t I get to meet the young man?” Destiny tensed. “Dad, I thought you were in your workshop. I didn’t want to disturb you.” Her father came towards the door. Destiny tried to block the view but it was too late. Tad had already gotten an eyeful. Well, a mini eyeful, anyhow. Destiny’s father stood barely four feet tall. He wasn’t officially a “little person,” though, since he was perfectly proportioned to his height. His nose came to a curving point as did his ears, and he wore green and red striped stockings underneath a red sweater and green shorts. His shoes were handmade, and jingled as he walked. Destiny’s father was an elf. A Christmas elf, that is. Twenty years ago he’d escaped from the North Pole. “Damn slave labor it was,” he always told her. “That Claus is a tyrant!” He’d heard about a small town called Brokenoggin Falls that welcomed unusual people, and packed up his best candy canes and toy-making tools, and then stole a reindeer for his getaway. He hadn’t been in Brokenoggin for much more than a year when he ran over a dog with his car (an Austin Mini, of course), a big, black, shaggy dog that he took to the vet and then helped nurse back to health. But it turned out it wasn’t a dog at all. It was a wolf. A werewolf. Her mom. Nine months later, out popped Destiny. She decided not to share this little walk down memory lane with Tad. He wouldn’t understand. She wasn’t even sure she understood most of the time. “Look here,” her father said with a great smile on his diminutive face. “I’ve made a gift for your friend.” Tad stepped forward to accept the small, carved wooden sailboat. “Da-ad,” Destiny whined. “Don’t embarrass me.” “Embarrass you?” he exclaimed. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” Yeah, right. “Okay, we’re like, leaving.” Destiny grabbed Tad’s very firm and nicely muscular arm and tried to steer him outside. “This is amazing,” Tad said to her father as he inspected the boat. “Where did you learn to do this?” Destiny’s father gave a little bow. “Thank you, my boy. I was well taught from the time I was a child by none other than –” “Leaving,” Destiny cut him off before he said too much. “Now?” “Give your poppa a kiss first.” Kill me, Destiny thought. Just kill me now and put me out of my misery. But she forced a smile, leaned way, way over, and air-kissed her father’s cheek. * * * Perfect date. It was going to be perfect. Stamped it, no erasies. Turned out Tad didn’t drive a Porsche after all. It was a Mercedes. Destiny decided she could live with that. He hadn’t seemed mortified by meeting her odd father. Thank God her mother was out that night at a laser hair removal seminar. And her brother? She’d thought she’d seen him earlier out of the corner of her eye. But it had just been her imagination. Luckily, too. He was extremely overprotective of his sister and was guaranteed to hate Tad on sight. They sat in his car in the parking lot of Brokenoggin Burger. The thought of eating the greasy food made Destiny’s stomach turn over, but she forced back the cheeseburger and fries with a smile. She glanced at the clock on the dashboard. Eight-thirty. According to her schedule Tad should have fallen madly in love with her fifteen minutes ago. She wasn’t positive, but she didn’t think it had happened yet. It was okay. Fifteen minutes off schedule was nothing to worry about. She bit down on another fry and felt something strange in her mouth. She frowned, and turned her head to the side so she could fish out whatever it was. Hard, small, white… A tooth. Holy shit, she’d just lost a damn tooth on a Brokenoggin fry. But it wasn’t that hard. The tooth had just…slid out…all by itself. She eyed Tad. He wasn’t paying attention while he fiddled with the car radio to find some “mood music.” She took the tooth and tried to slide it back into place. She expected to feel pain, but there was nothing. There. All fixed. He finally found a decent station, and leaned back in his seat clearly proud of himself. The music cut through the uncomfortable silence in the car. Destiny had been trying to think of something incredibly witty and intelligent to say. But since Destiny was neither witty nor terribly intelligent, she was coming up blank. “You’re so beautiful,” Tad finally said. A dribble of ketchup landed on Destiny’s shirt and she grabbed for a napkin. “Oh? Um...thanks.” “You know, I was hoping to meet a girl like you.” “Really?” “Everybody thinks I’m weird, see? Because I’m sort of mature for my age. My friends, my folks, they all tell me that I should just have fun. But I really want to do is settle down with a nice girl. Get married. Have a couple of kids. Like, right away. I don’t want to wait until I’m too old to care about those things anymore.” She nodded sagely. This was perfect. Everything was going according to her plan. He reached over and tucked a strand of her freshly highlighted auburn hair behind her ear. “I just figure, when you know what you want, you just gotta go for it.” “I totally and absolutely agree.” “You’re special, Destiny. I knew that from the first moment you uploaded your picture.” How romantic was that? Destiny sighed with happiness. He leaned towards her and she closed her eyes, waiting for the kiss. Hoping that she didn’t have anything stuck between her teeth. She waited. And waited some more. Then she opened her eyes. Tad was chewing on a french fry. “The guy at the drive through was kind of weird, huh?” She cleared her throat and tried to compose herself. “Yeah, that’s Cy. I guess he is a little strange, isn’t he?” “Something was up with his eye. What was that? Kind of freaky if you ask me.” Cy was a cyclops. So there was nothing wrong with his eye other than the fact that he only had one of them right in the middle of his forehead. Nice guy, though. Always let her leave early. Plus, for a guy with only one eye, he had a very nice body. It was a trade-off. She didn’t think it was all that nice for Tad to pick on him and was about to say something, but her nose started to itch. She absently rubbed at it and after a moment it came clean off her face and fell into her lap. Horrified, she immediately ducked under the dash to try to reattach it. “Destiny?” Tad asked. “You okay down there?” “Yeah, fine. I just dropped something.” “Should I turn on the light?” “No! No lights!” Destiny gently turned the nose in the right direction and pressed it to her face. She touched it, waiting to feel blood, waiting to feel pain, but there was nothing. She took her hand away and the nose stayed exactly where it was supposed to be. She was just about to start freaking out over what the hell was happening to her when she remembered something the Wartly sisters had said earlier. “Just try to keep it together…Destiny. Geez, don’t fall apart on us, okay? Wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you since you’ve always been so nice to us.” A spell. That’s what this was. A spell meant to ruin her date by those ugly bitches. Really funny. Not. She’d show them. Nothing they could do would stop her from making Tad fall completely in love with her. After the night was over…then, and only then, would she think about her revenge. Just because she didn’t have any magical powers didn’t mean she didn’t have ways of paying them back big-time. “Let’s go somewhere else,” Tad suggested. “Out of town?” she suggested hopefully. “Nah, there’s got to be somewhere,” he lowered his voice and grinned at her, “private where we can get to know each other better?” Since the entire town of Brokenoggin was surrounded by a thick thatch of evergreens, there were plenty of private places Destiny could think of. She directed him to a little nook where she’d made out a couple of months ago with Johnny Franklin. At least until the full moon came out and he bolted from the car and into the woods. Wonder what ever happened to him after that? she thought. Were-chipmunks were so unpredictable. “Damn it!” Tad swerved the car, snapping her out of the memory. “Almost hit that stupid dog. Where do all these little dogs come from anyhow?” She just shrugged. “This town is messed up,” Tad said. “How can you live here without turning into a freak, yourself?” It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him it wasn’t that bad. And that it was okay for her to say those things about Brokenoggin, but not for him -- a total stranger to the town. But she bit her tongue. Which then fell out of her mouth. “Shit!” she yelled, but since her tongue was gone it sounded more like, “Shhhd!” She undid her seatbelt and scrambled to the floor to look for the elusive appendage. She thought it had bounced over on the drivers side of the car so she crawled in that direction and grabbed onto Tad’s knee for support. “Oh yeah, baby,” Tad said. “That’s what I’m talking about. But can you at least wait until I pull over?” There it was, under the brake pedal. She grabbed the tongue but it slipped away from her. “Shhhhddd!” She finally got her hand on it and shoved it back in her mouth. It was covered with dirt that tasted disgusting, but it reattached itself right away. Then she tried to get back into her seat, but Tad now had her hand pressed firmly against his lap. Just like a guy, she thought. Didn’t matter if they were human or not. Only one thing on their mind. If Destiny had been in a laughing mood anymore she’d think it was funny. “Let me up,” she said. “Now you want up.” He looked down at her. “But you just got down there.” She pushed herself up with one hand and tried to wrench the other away from him. It popped clean off of her body and Tad was left holding her entire arm without the rest of her attached to it. Great, just great. He looked at her, as she calmly put her seatbelt back on, and then at the warm limb now laying in his lap. His eyes widened. “Don’t freak out,” she told him. “I can explain.” He started to scream. Then he swerved off the road and slammed into a tree. So much for the perfect date, Destiny thought as she dragged herself out of the car. “Tad, you okay?” she asked. Tad was still screaming. She saw her arm shoot out the window as if Tad had thrown it as far away from himself as he could manage. She frowned. Talk about rude. She walked over to it and picked it up gingerly. Then pressed it back into place. She helped Tad out of the ruined Mercedes. His wallet fell out of his now ripped leather jacket. “Don’t touch me.” He shuffled away from her. “Okay, okay. Look, just relax.” “Just relax? “Yeah, it’s just a spell. I’m not normally like this.” “What do you mean, it was a spell?” She sighed. “Look, Brokenoggin is a little different, okay? That’s why I want to get the hell out of here as soon as possible.” “Bunch of freaks.” Tad looked around nervously. “I’d heard that about this town.” Her frown deepened. “Freaks is a little harsh, I’d say. Unusual occurrences, sure. Witches, werewolves...maybe an elf or two.” He nodded. “Freaks.” “Look. They’re not freaks. You don’t even know them to make that kind of judgment.” Why was she defending Brokenoggin now? This was not part of the master plan. She just didn’t like somebody else insulting her hometown. Ironic? Perhaps a tad. “I’d heard it was different here. I just didn’t realize how different.” He eyed her. “So what are you, anyhow? A werewolf?” “No way. I’m human. One hundred percent. That’s why I want to go live somewhere else.” “Good luck with that.” She grabbed his arm and he flinched. “No, listen to me. I like you. You’re great. You’re perfect, in fact. That’s why I wanted to go out with you. I figured you and me...maybe we could do something together.” “I was thinking the same thing.” She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She could salvage this. It wasn’t too late. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. She leaned over and picked up his wallet. “So were you serious about wanting to get married right away?” she asked. He nodded. “Very serious.” A photo was peeking out of the top of his wallet. She pulled it out to take a look at it. It was of a pretty blonde girl. “Who’s this, your sister?” He laughed, and grabbed the wallet away from her. “No. That’s my fiancée.” Destiny blinked. “Your what?” “My fiancée. Did your ears just fall off, too?” She reached up to check them just in case he was right. No, they were exactly where they were supposed to be. “You have a fiancée?” she repeated in disbelief. He shrugged. “Kind of helpful to have one when you’re planning on getting married, right?” He paused, and looked at her strangely. “Shit, Destiny, your eyeball just fell out. That is messed up.” She leaned over and picked it up, absently popping it back into its socket. “If you’re going to get married, then why are we out on a date?” He studied her for a minute, then started to laugh. “Oh no, you didn’t think...” he pointed at the car then back at her, “...you thought I was going to ask you to marry me?” Destiny wasn’t laughing. She didn’t think she’d ever laugh again. “Look,” he continued when he caught his breath, “this doesn’t have to end this way. We can still have fun tonight. I know you want to.” She narrowed her eyes. “You know I want to what?” He grinned. “My girlfriend doesn’t want to put out until the honeymoon. That’s why I came here.” Destiny waited. “You came here because...” “Because Brokenoggin girls are easy,” Tad said. “It’s a well known fact. Now come over here, baby, and I’m going to rock your world.” She kicked him in the groin. Lost her entire foot in the process but it was worth it. She hopped back towards the car to grab her cellphone so she could call her dad to come pick her up. Maybe Brokenoggin wasn’t so bad. If Tad represented the men she would find outside the town, then maybe she didn’t want to leave after all. She wondered what Willard the wizard had been up to since prom. Maybe she should give him a call. “Hey,” Tad yelled from where he was writhing in pain on the ground. “Is this your dog? Get it the hell away from me, will you?” There was a chihuahua standing three feet away from his prone form. It growled viciously at him. “That,” Destiny said, holding a hand over the speaker of the cellphone while she balanced precariously on one foot, “is my brother ChiChi. And he is sooo going to kick your ass.”
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Copyright 2006 - Michelle Rowen
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