I joined Snippet Saturday a while back but haven’t had a chance to participate until now. The theme this week is “Humor,” so I thought I’d offer up something that’s fairly funny. I think so, anyhow.
This is a sneak peek at a scene from Chapter 5 in THE DEMON IN ME, the first book in my new paranormal series with Berkley Sensation that’s out May 2010. Sure, it’s eight months from now, but that time is totally going to fly by. I just know it!!
Darrak’s an incorporeal demon forced to possess a woman named Eden Riley when his former host is killed. Understandably, Eden isn’t quite on-board with this situation, so she’s called in some local exorcists (whom she found in the Yellow Pages) to lend a hand.
Rosa approached her, staring up into her face. Then she pressed her hands up to Eden’s cheeks and drew her closer until their eyeballs were only a couple inches away from each other. “We must begin immediately. Please sit down.”
Malcolm moved toward the glass door and turned the lock. “Where do you need me, mother?”
“By my side, dear.”
“What’s going on, Eden?” Darrak asked.
She sat down in her comfortable but ratty desk chair and tightly squeezed the arm rests as if was bracing herself for a root canal. “I’m helping you.”
“Is the demonic presence speaking to you right now?” Rosa asked.
She nodded. “He is.”
Rosa grabbed her chin and squeezed hard enough to make Eden’s lips purse out unattractively. “Listen to me, demon. This is your last chance. Leave this woman of your own volition while you still can. If you refuse, then we will force you from her body.”
Darrak sighed. “Exorcists? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Speak, dark demon!” Rosa hissed, squeezing Eden’s face even tighter. Eden tried her best not to bat the woman’s hands away. “What is your reply?”
Another internal sigh. “Eden, let’s talk about this.”
“I’m rewwy shorry.” Her words were distorted due to her current pursed-lip situation. “But you habben gibben me any udder choice here.”
“So, you what? Called 411 to find the nearest Exorcists ‘R’ Us?”
Eden cleared her throat. “Akshlee, I just rooked in the phone book.”
“I already told you I can’t leave, but it’s not because I don’t want to. Believe me, I want to, but I can’t.”
She swallowed hard. “He says he can’t leave me.”
“Liar!” Rosa snapped, squeezing tighter.
“You can tell this lady to bite me, though,” Darrak added. “And she can take that holier-than-thou attitude of hers and shove it right under her granny panties.”
“Does the demon show fear for my abilities?” Rosa asked.
“Not really,” Eden admitted, though she was finding it increasingly hard to talk while in the forcibly pursed position. Her cheeks began to ache. “You can let go of my face now. Please.”
She finally released Eden, who sighed in relief and rubbed her sore cheeks.
“Right,” Darrak said. “Actually, I’m not afraid because I’ve been faced with a lot of exorcists in the last 300 years. Believe me, there have been a lot of yahoos who think they can get rid of me, but a true exorcist needs to completely believe in demons and the Netherworld—and not very many people do. Their faith needs to be absolute. And they need to use actual holy water—”
“Malcolm, pass me the holy water, please.” Rosa held out her hand.
Darrak scoffed. “They say it’s holy water, but that could just be from the tap for all we know.”
“What’s this we thing?” Eden said.
“Now, you must repeat after me,” Rosa said. “I, Eden Riley—”
“I, Eden Riley.”
“Commit to ridding my physical being of all things demonic—”
Eden repeated it.
“And renounce evil and all forms of black magic—”
Well, of course. “And renounce evil and all forms of black magic.”
“And all lustful thoughts.”
Eden frowned. “And all lustful thoughts?”
“Lust is a deadly sin. You may have been chosen as a vessel for the demon because of that sinful, cleavage-revealing blouse you’re wearing right now. Shameful, really.”
Eden held a hand to her chest. “I bought this at Sears last week. It’s machine washable!”
“Lust is the most popular deadly sin, followed closely by vanity and greed.” She gently patted Eden’s cheek. “Speaking of money, I should let you know up front that the outstanding thousand dollars on this transaction applies whether or not I am able to dispel this evil spirit from you. It will be applied directly to the credit card number you provided earlier.”
“There’s no money-back guarantee?”
“I’m afraid not. We are working with Satan’s darkest minions, here.”
“Did she just call me a minion?” Darrak grumbled. “Talk about adding insult to potential injury.”
Hope you enjoyed meeting Darrak and Eden! Expect to hear much more about them in the months to come leading up to the release date.
And please be sure to visit the following authors who are all participating in Snippet Saturday this week!