Michelle Rowen

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Dark Kiss blog tour

DARK KISS, the first book in my new Nightwatchers series with Harlequin Teen is now available! This week and next I’ll be on a blog tour, visiting great spots all over the blogosphere. At each stop there will be a copy of DARK KISS given away and a chance to enter for the fabulous Grand Prize Pack from Harlequin!

Monday, May 28th – Alice Marvels: Q&A with Michelle
Tuesday, May 29th – Harlequin Paranormal Blog: Guest post “Things With Wings”
Wednesday, May 30th – Good Choice Reading: Michelle’s Writing Space
Friday, June 1st – Mimi Valentine: Q&A with Bishop & Kraven

Monday,June 4st – Mundie Moms: Guest post “Five Favorite Kisses”
Tuesday, June 5th –  Unabridged Andra: Guest Post “Kraven Takes Over”
Wednesday,June 6th – Endlessly Bookish: Q&A with Michelle
Friday,June 8th – The Unread Reader: All About Bishop

 

Top 10 ways to get on my keeper shelf

Last year I didn’t read half as much as I would have liked. This year I want to change that. I have a ton of books on my kindle I haven’t even opened yet and I’ve been sorting them into two categories — will DEFINITELY read, and… maybe later. Likely, I’ll never even attempt the maybe laters.

Based on the few books that I buy and devour because they hit all the right notes with me (normally I have the concentration of a gnat), I’d like to share the top 10 things which will indicate that I’ll (probably) enjoy a novel….

1. First person POV from heroine. I’ll read and enjoy third, but I prefer first.

2. A subtly evolving, but intense romantic subplot (with payoff). All this “lust at first sight” rarely works for me in a novel, but “awareness at first sight” is another thing all together. Slow, but steady wins the race. As far as “payoff,” well… I think you know what I mean. I’m very patient, but there better be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

3. An enigmatic, badass hero with secrets who could very easily be a bad guy, apart from his feelings about the heroine. Yes, please. The more screwed up the hero is, the more I like him. I don’t know what this says about me.

4. Pain. Sending a main character through intense pain — emotional and physical — really earns her/him my respect. Plus, it’s entertaining. I know, I’m a bit sadistic.

5. A love triangle. Love writing them, love reading them. Prefer 2 guys and a girl to the opposite. The heroine should always be the one to have this wonderful and horrible choice. I’ve rarely read the opposite.

6. A certain level of predictability. I like to be able to guess how a few things will turn out, especially with the romance. Don’t make me invest in a couple and then kill one off. I will not like you. Ever. Even if it’s done well.**

7. Twists and turns for everything else. Surprises that I can’t see coming — that still make sense in the context of the story — make me happy and turning pages.

8. Make me laugh. Even the darkest book needs to have some comic relief. Otherwise…how incredibly dreary. I’d rather watch the evening news for the same effect.

9. Make me cry. Grabbing me by the throat and making me feel the pain of the main characters is a guaranteed way to getting a spot on my keeper shelf.

10. Creative worldbuilding. I’ve read vampires, werewolves, and fairies many times before, but if I find a world clever and unique, I want to know more. More more more!!

**I should say, that they shouldn’t be killed off permanently. In a paranormal, there’s always the hope of resurrection. THIS IS OKAY.

Know any books that fit the bill? PLEASE recommend them to me to read in 2012! And please share what you look for in a book as well!

Winners of the VA Guide

Wow, thanks for all the fantastic comments on the contest post! One of the amazing things about the VA series is that there are so many compelling characters that readers can connect to. I think just about everyone got mentioned as your favorite characters, although it seems as if Ms. Rose Hathaway herself took the grand prize for the most reader love. I think she kind of deserves it!

The contest is now closed and I have chosen at random my two winners — yes, two! I decided since there were so many comments I’d give away an extra copy.

Congrats to Gail Goodenough (comment 1.1) and Irene Boggs (comment 273), both of whom have been contacted by email to claim their prizes.

Happy Holidays, everyone!!!

Michelle  xoxo

P.S. I still love Adrian the best.

State of the Rowen

Inspired by Jill Myles’ list of works in progress, I thought I’d do the same….

ON DECK

Second draft of REIGN FALL (Demon Princess #3) is done and I’m happy with it. I think it’s my favorite DP book to date, but I usually feel that way when things are so fresh in my mind. It’s slowly on its way to my beta-readers and after that, to my proofreader and copy editor. I need to write back cover copy for this, but since I don’t plan to self-pub it till January, I’m in no huge rush.

Galleys of THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC — need to proofread these by the 6th, then I’m all finished my Living in Eden series, which ended up turning into a trilogy. A bit bittersweet, since Darrak is so much fun to write.

Editorial revisions on DARK KISS (Nightwatchers #1). My first YA with Harlequin Teen, which I’m extremely excited about. It’s also my longest book to date and will likely hit 100K by the time I’m finished this round of revisions. Working on some worldbuilding stuff so everything makes sense going forward. Had a recent inspiration about the characters that will need to be tweaked in this book, but it makes me very happy that I thought of it.

VERY SOON

Will be writing WICKED KISS (Nightwatchers #2), which is due in a few months. I don’t usually talk much about new projects until I have cover art, etc., but I can’t wait to introduce this world and these characters to readers. Darker fantasy YA, but still with a humorous edge to the voice, romantic, thrilling…can’t wait!

Will be writing REIGN STORM (Demon Princess #4), the last book in the series that I will be self-publishing the first half of next year. Some people wonder why authors don’t just finish up any and all series that get dropped by their publishers. Well, I’ll tell you why. Because — hoo boy — it takes a lot of time and energy to write a whole book and there is absolutely no guarantee that anyone will really care when it comes out (sad but true, although the same could be said for regular publishing too). I’m writing these particular books because I want closure on this series for myself as a writer. It will be the icing on the cake if readers are excited about it too. It’s been a lot of fun to experiment with this, and REIGN FALL was a surprisingly pleasant breeze to write, so I hope the fun continues as I dive into the last book. :)

Will be writing BLED & BREAKFAST (A Sarah Dearly Vampire Mystery #2), but it won’t be for a few months while I focus on everything else. Looking forward to this one, since BLOOD BATH & BEYOND was a rare treat. Returning to Sarah’s POV was a lot of fun. And when work can be fun, it’s golden!

GLIMMER PROJECTS — ideas that might happen, but not any time soon

Middle grade fantasy — keeps twigging at me with a couple fun ideas, especially a fairy tale one that just lit up for me with renewed brightness after seeing “Tangled” the other day. I’m not sure that I want to try another genre, though, when I’m now busy in YA and will be newly published in mystery in 2012. I have a tendency to be easily distracted.

More paranormal romance — I’m taking a bit of a break from this genre after THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC comes out, but I still get tons of ideas for it. My ideas tend toward heroine-driven series with the same protagonist in each book, which doesn’t seem to connect perfectly in this genre with reader expectation at this time (the books that do best seem to be alpha-hero driven), so I’m trying to assess what is best for my career going forward and staying true to my voice.

Magical women’s fiction — since I’m most comfortable writing heroine-driven books with romantic subplots, I feel like this particular sub-genre is drawing me in like a Star Trek trajectory beam. I do have a proposal completed on something interesting here. We will see if anyone else thinks it’s interesting. ;)

More YA — I have a full book (vampires) that has been shopping for a while now and if it doesn’t sell, I’ll probably self-publish it. Personally, I think it’s one of the best things I’ve ever written, but sometimes the timing is just a little off to connect with an acquiring editor, especially in a genre already full to the brim with fangs and romance. Such is life.

Gotta say, after writing four books and a novella so far in 2011, I am feeling really drained. So I’ll probably be taking it a bit easy through to the end of the year. Don’t want to burn out. I should get some more hobbies, maybe. But I do love writing, it’s my first priority and on my mind nearly 24/7, and I’m still very happy to get the chance to have my books available to readers. I get to live my dream and for that I’m incredibly grateful.

Now, back to the page… :)

Hero Reflection

I recently finished reading Karen Marie Moning’s Fever series (which I will blog about at length another day) and was totally blown away by the hero she created for it — Jericho Barrons. He is…well, he’s something pretty amazing.

It made me think about my own heroes, which I do like to do since I love all of them. But some I love more than others.

To date, I’ve written…um…20 books. Wow, I can’t believe it myself, actually. In these books, I’ve written a whole bunch of heroes. I thought I’d take a little time to touch on each of them and why I like them. This list in order of my personal preference as the creator and writer of these fine men from least to most loved (by me, anyway).

#12 — MICHAEL QUINN (Lady & the Vamp)

Ah, Quinn. He was a great third wheel in the Immortality Bites love triangle and awesome enough that I wanted to give him his own book where he could be the hero. It took him a while. He whined a lot. He didn’t like being a vampire and wasn’t afraid to say it. And he had a lot of daddy issues. Suck it up, Quinn. You got the girl. You’re an immortal, sexy vampire. Enjoy yourself a little, will ya??!

#11 — PATRICK McKAY (Blaze: Touch & Go)

Patrick, the wheelchair-bound agency manager in my first Blaze Hot Spell got his own book (and a loss of that wheelchair for reasons uncovered in T&G itself) was sexy as hell and rather awesome. If anything, he suffered just like Quinn from being a smidge whiny about his lot in life. Come on boys! Suck it up!

#10 — NATHANIEL (Angel with Attitude)

Ah, Nathaniel, the sexy-as-hell tempter demon in my second book Angel with Attitude. He was rather delicious, actually. Other than a bit of cliched “I’m a demon” behavior (he smoked, thus he was a bad boy) and a smidge of whininess, I’m extremely fond of good old Nate. He’s only lower on the list since it’s been so long since I wrote him and I only spent one book with him. Plus, “tempter demon”? What the heck is that, anyway? I guess it was like a PG-rated incubus. Rock on.

#9 — RYAN SHEPHARD (Blaze: Inevitable)

Ryan, the wrongly-accused thief who lost his job as a PARA agent and has been scrambling to clear his name. Hello there. I enjoyed you a great deal. We only got to spend 200 pages together, my dear. But I have no complaints. Considering how wrong-done-by you were, you managed to hold back any excessive angst about it. I appreciated that. Maybe I was learning my lesson by this point?

#8 — ROGAN ELLIS (Countdown)

In my first attempt at a non-funny, action-packed, sexier story, Rogan was the perfect hero for this book (by my now-dead pseudonym Michelle Maddox). Is he a bad guy? Is he a good guy? Who is he really? He was also the first sign that I dig heroes with scars and extremely tortured lives. *evil smile*

#9 — MICHAEL (Demon Princess books)

Trying to move away from the land of vampires, I created Michael, a “Shadow.” What is a Shadow? Um, I was still working on the specifics of that, really. But they were totally cool. The servants to demonic royalty, my demon princess got a surprise when she realized the super cute and mysterious boy who’s been protecting her is actually, uh, at her command. And he wasn’t all that happy about it.

#6 — JACOB CAINE (Blaze: Hot Spell)

What can I say about Jacob other than he was a lot of fun to write and smokin’ hot? It was the heroine in this book who was the angsty one. Jacob helped her. Well, eventually. It was an enemies to lovers story and I love writing witty repartee between two hot-blooded characters. This book was a dream to write and the sexy Jacob Caine definitely helped a lot.

#5 — STEPHEN FOX (Blaze novella: Catch Me)

I just finished this novella last night so Stephen’s very fresh in my mind. He’s different from my other heroes…and that was very refreshing. He’s a bit rumpled, a bit unsure of himself, and madly and secretly in love with the heroine — his best friend. Getting this beta hero to find his sexy inner alpha in 80 pages was challenging, and lots of fun.

#4 — BISHOP (Nightwatchers books)

Here’s a character readers won’t meet till next June, but he’s very fixed in my mind right now after spending a great deal of time with him over the last few months. An angel sent to the human world to protect a city under attack, he leads a team of both angels and demons. Bishop is snarky, sexy, and…well, he’s a whole lot insane thanks to his difficult fall to earth. My heroine has a talent to help clear the crazy away when it sweeps over him. Love him so much.

#3 — DECLAN REYES (Nightshade books)

He’s scarred up — massively through battle as a vampire hunter. His wounds heal fast as a dhampyr, but they all leave a scar to remind him of the pain he’s experienced (and there’s been a lot of it). He wears an eye patch since his left eye was gored out by a vampire. He’s on a serum that inhibits his ability to feel emotion and desire. What’s not to love?? :) I like writing heroes who are damaged and dark…and it’s not till they meet the heroine that a glimmer of light begins to re-enter their world. To me, Declan is sexy as hell and I want to give him a big hug. Jillian can handle the rest.

#2 — THIERRY DE BENNICOEUR (Immortality Bites series)

Oh, Thierry. You with the hard to pronounce name. (For the record, it’s t-YAIR-ee, but to simplify it like Sarah would, just say Terry). He was the first hero I ever wrote and, after rereading Bitten & Smitten, I see that this guy had a long way to go to actually be considered a hero. Who is he? What does he want? What’s his agenda? Yeah. I didn’t even know. I still don’t, not really. He keeps his secrets very close to his chest both with me and with Sarah. Has he done bad things? Is he an unemotional jerk a lot of the time? Hell yeah. But does he also deserve the love that Sarah (and I) have for him? Uh-huh. And I’m so glad I get to continue to explore this 600-year-old master vampire in my new Sarah Dearly mystery series spin-offy thing. Working on it right now, in fact!

*****DRUM ROLL PLEASE******

And my most favorite hero I’ve written to date is…….

#1 — DARRAK (Living in Eden trilogy)

I think this goes without saying, really. Even Darrak isn’t surprised. Much like I always say about Sarah Dearly, Darrak has a personality all to himself. It was as if I wasn’t telling him how to act or what to say, he told me. Unlike most of my other heroes, Darrak wasn’t all that angsty (except when it comes to Eden). He’s sexy and knows it, he’s cocky as hell, he’s hilarious and sarcastic, he’s a former incubus and ex-archdemon, now a cursed demon who is unrepentant for centuries of demonic mayhem. And he’s desperately in love with my heroine now that he’s infused with humanity forcing him to be one of the good guys. What more can I ask for?

So there you have it, my heroes in a nutshell. I love them all, no matter where they fell on the list. And I can’t wait to see who might be lurking around the next corner for me to torture. Err, I mean, create and cherish. Yes, that.

A cautionary tale

Wow… I had a serious, um, adventure over the last couple of days. My site got hacked and compromised and shut down by google, which posted a lovely “this is an attack site!” warning up front. Let me tell you…not fun!

I learned that my web host (Dreamhost) is absolutely no help in situations like this (and has no phone support!), other than pointing me to information on how to fix it myself. Not too happy with them at the moment, but I’ve been with them for ten years without any other problems, so I don’t think I’ll switch over this.

Luckily, between the advice I received on Twitter and via email, and through hands-on help from the brilliant and talented Shawntelle Madison (whose debut urban fantasy, COVETED, is out next year from Ballantine! Can’t wait to read it!), the problem has been fixed and my site is back online. For a while there, I thought I’d have to trash my site in its entirety and start from scratch, which would have meant I’d lose all my blog posts as well as most of the other content for my pages. Not exactly the end of the world, but it would have been inconvenient and time-consuming.

What I’ve learned from this experience:

1) Don’t panic. Even if you’re completely clueless when it comes to technical stuff, getting hacked is something that happens a lot and there are ways to fix it.

2) People can be wonderful and generous with their time and expertise when they see someone in trouble — definitely the silver lining of this dark rain cloud.

3) Change your passwords on a regular basis for your FTP, host website, and WP access, which I’ve now done. Pick something that isn’t a simple dictionary word since hackers have programs that easily scroll through those till it hits a match.

4) When WordPress lets you know there’s an update to their software, then you should update. If you don’t, it will leave holes in your security that hacker bots can sneak into and happily rape your site code.

5) If you’re the sole administrator for your site — like if you have a WordPress-based website that you control yourself without regular help from a web designer — you should sign up with Google Webmaster Tools. It’s pretty simple to get your site verified and it has a whole bunch of tools for you if things go wrong — and also lots of ways to check and index your site when it’s working properly so you can have stats available.

6) Back up your site information so if something does go wrong, you won’t lose everything in the process.

So that’s about it. I’m glad this particular story had a happy ending…. but it’s a story I don’t really want to experience again if I can help it!!

Now, back to writing! Today I’m finishing up my Blaze novella. Tomorrow it’s all Sarah all the time as I devote myself body and soul to Blood Bath & Beyond.

Demon Princess series

Please check out this post for more information about this: http://www.michellerowen.com/2011/08/25/confronting-my-demon-princess/

and the Demon Princess Facebook Page.

Thanks!

Michelle xoxo

P.S. Most comments on this post refer to the original post I had here which basically explained that there wouldn’t be any more Demon Princess books. Your interest in keeping the series going was my inspiration for going forward. Thank you!

Update from the Rowenverse

It’s been a really busy year so far and I’ve been totally neglecting the blog! Thought I’d do an update post.

First off, I’ve mentioned before that I was working on a secret project in recent months. Well, I can talk publicly about it now — mostly because I finished the manuscript on Monday. I have been working on VAMPIRE ACADEMY: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE since the beginning of the year. I was already a fan of Richelle Mead’s series (which I told her frequently) and the universe aligned perfectly to make it possible for me to be a part of this great project — which was a whole lot of work, but totally worth it! Anyway, my part in this was summarizing the plots of the books in the series, writing all about the characters, relationships, picking out great quotes, and lots of other fun stuff I hope fans of the series will enjoy picking up and reading when the Guide comes out later this year on November 15th.

Here’s the cover:

So there you go! Can’t wait till it comes out!

I can now get back to work (full-time, anyway) on my own young adult novel, DARK KISS, which is due May 1st. I sent the 200 pages I have done on it to my beta-reader and she loves what I have so far — I sure hope my editor agrees when it’s all done!

When I’m done that I need to immediately roll into my first Sarah Dearly mystery novel, BLOOD BATH & BEYOND. It’s due July 1st! The chance to write from Sarah’s POV again is going to feel like coming home — I already know it will because I already have 90 pages done on it. So much fun, I can’t wait till it’s out, plus I love having an affirmative answer to the “Will there be more Sarah books?” question.

So I’m pretty busy…AND YET I’m still getting in my TV time. Priorities, people. Favorite shows right now: American Idol (go Casey!), America’s Next Top Model (guilty pleasure), Supernatural (fingers crossed for season seven — it’s a possibility!), and I have every episode from this season’s Vampire Diaries on my DVR but I haven’t watched ANY of them yet. I’ve delayed my Damon Salvatore gratification for a later date!

League auctions and viral videos

*** Cross-posted from The League of Reluctant Adults ***

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

I am currently in what writers affectionately call “deadline hell.” I have a book due in four days and am working very hard to meet that deadline, which means I’m a hermit in a bathrobe who isn’t going anywhere except for twitter. And no, it’s not as glamorous as it sounds.

Anyway, thought I’d post a couple links and a video today here at the League.

After the devastation in Japan, two groups of League members have generously put together a couple eBay auctions to benefit the recovery effort. If you’re looking for a group analysis of your work in progress and would like 100% of the final sale price will to go to the American Red Cross.

Team Fang is Mario Acevedo, Dakota Cassidy, Stacia Kane, JF Lewis, Nicole Peeler, KA Stewart, and Anton Strout.

Team Claw is Sonya Bateman, Michele Bardsley, Carolyn Crane, Kevin Hearne, Jackie Kessler, Diana Rowland, and Jeanne Stein.

Richelle Mead also has a bunch of auctions up featuring signed copies of hers and other fabulous authors’ books.

Please see the individual auctions for more details about what is included.

Or you can donate directly to the Red Cross if you’d like to help out — go to www.RedCross.com or www.RedCross.ca. Every dollar is appreciated!

***

Okay! Now that I’ve done the important stuff, I want to share this video with you — in case you haven’t already seen it. It’s the latest viral video on YouTube and the singer, Rebecca Black, has been a trending topic on Twitter for a few days now and an interesting experiment in whether or not bad publicity will turn out to be good publicity.

I honestly thought it was a parody or a satire of pop music being brainless and insipid dreck, but guess what? It’s (allegedly) totally legit. This comes from a company where rich people can get music videos made for their kids. It’s slick, Disney-channel pretty, and one of the worst songs ever! EVER!

AND I CAN’T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD. Enjoy!

Thin and thick skin

I found it interesting to be greeted with this little warning on Goodreads today which I actually had to “click to agree” with.

Have to admit, I was pretty surprised this needed to be stated in such a blatant manner — across the board to all authors. But I guess there have been some problems. I mean, I know there have been problems. I see “authors behaving badly” flagged all the time in the blogosphere.

So I thought I’d do a blog post on the topic of authors and reviews — from the Michelle Rowen perspective.

Ah reviews. I’ve had a love and hate relationship with you over the years. I love the good reviews and I hate the bad. I’ve always been the kind of person that needs a lot of outside acknowledgment that what I’m doing is okay and acceptable. Comes down to self-esteem I guess. I ain’t got it in spades. Never have.

When I first entered the writing world with Bitten & Smitten, it was fairly perfect timing. I didn’t get rejected with that manuscript in my search for an agent (well, one, but it came the same day as an offer of representation so it didn’t really sting). The book had an offer within 24 hours of being sent out to publishers. Praise was heaped on me by editors and agent and my early reviews were fangtastic. And then B&S was released into the world at large and I suddenly realized that my voice and characters and story and world wasn’t going to work for everyone 100% across the board. SAY WHAT? You mean, I will not be universally loved and adored like a goddess of wordiness??

Um, no. Not so much. Every negative review felt like a wound. Why? Because I lacked any kind of thick skin, which I hadn’t had a chance to develop yet. Because of my need for outside kudos to make me feel that what I was doing was okay, I assumed that each negative review was a nail in the coffin of my brand new dream career. Oh god, I thought. They’ve found me out. I’m a fraud. I can’t write. I suck. I SUCK!! *cue the hordes of doubt weasels*

Okay, so that was one of my personalities, Little Miss Defeatist. I’m blessed (cursed?) to have a few more. I might have low self esteem, but I happen to have a big ego. I can only compare it to one of those girls on America’s Next Top Model who looks in the mirror and bemoans how ugly she is. Well, if they thought they were THAT damn ugly, why would they enter a competition where looks were the prized asset? Despite my worry that I wasn’t good enough, I had pushed myself to write a book and to take the next step toward publication. So I guess I thought my ideas were pretty good after all.

It’s a teeter totter, even now. I am proud of my books, all of them. Well, except for one, but we won’t talk about that. I put everything I am, everything I have to give, into my books. And then I put them out there for the world because that is how I earn a living. I now know without a SHADOW OF A DOUBT that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. AND THAT’S OKAY. I also know with equal certainty that there are quite a few readers out there who enjoy my tea very, very much thank you!

So…after five plus years of being published and 15 books on the shelf with at least 7 more cooking up nicely, negative reviews don’t bother me at all anymore.

HA! I AM LYING!!! They still bother me. Just because I can take them with a grain of salt and know that someone’s opinion on Goodreads or Amazon who might think I am the antichrist of fiction writers isn’t going to sink my career. If my editor and agent approve of what I’m doing, then that is what I’m aiming for — anything else is icing on the cake. But yeah, they still sting.

Should reviewers watch what they say, be nicer, or consider my feelings when they’re reviewing? Quite honestly, why should they? Just as I have a right to write anything I please (as long as my editor and agent approves) a reader has a right to like it or not like it. And then talk about it. (Unless they’re reviewing a pirated copy, in which case they can $^*#$ **$%@#). Of course, in a perfect world, I’d like all reviews to be prefaced with “this is only my opinion, but…” But that’s not reality. Besides, I’ve actually bought a lot of books based on negative reviews. One person’s pig’s ear is another’s silk purse. Or something like that.

I don’t review books because I feel like it’s not my place to do so — just like I don’t enter contests to win free books anymore on author blogs. But I don’t begrudge others who do. Does that mean everything I read I enjoy and appreciate? Hell no. If I wrote reviews, 9 out of 10 would likely be a big fat DNF for me. I’m a notoriously picky reader and it doesn’t take much for me to consider a book a wallbanger. So if I feel that way — and sometimes I feel that way about VERY VERY POPULAR BOOKS – bleh — then why can’t others feel the same way and express it? I think there’s only one thing worse than people saying bad things about your book — and that’s when they DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. (at least that’s the theory).

Working on my own self-esteem when it comes to my books — I just need to keep reminding myself that the majority of people seem to dig what I’m doing, which is why I’m able to do this full time with four books currently on my writing roster for this year. I think I’m doing something right. I just need to keep doing it and try to enjoy the ride.

MY ADVICE TO NEWLY PUBLISHED AUTHORS

1) DO NOT read your reviews if they really bug you. Get a trusted friend to read them and have them send you the good ones.

2) DO NOT post a link to a bad review on twitter or other social networks with a “omg look at this terrible review!” If you didn’t post that link, hardly anyone would have ever read it. Now everyone is reading it out of morbid curiosity and honestly? A lot of people enjoy other people’s misery. There’s even a word for it: schadenfreude.

3) PLEASE REMEMBER that on Twitter you’re basically taking part in an open chat. Your off the cuff comments about your horrendous cover or your asshat copyeditor are viewable by everyone. Including your horrendous cover artist and your asshat copyeditor. Who might be working on your next book. Just saying. I used to be a graphic designer, and believe me, we hold grudges.

4) DON’T SWEAT BAD REVIEWS. I can say this objectively for everyone except myself (usually). They are not the end of the world. And, honestly? They’re rarely as bad as you think they are. I mean, some are, but some are just pointing out a couple things the reader didn’t love. It doesn’t mean they hate your book and want to watch it and you burn in some sort of Satanic ritual. And besides, at the end of the day even the “professional” reviews are only ONE PERSON’S OPINION. So…chillax.

5) This one takes this post right back to the beginning in regards to commenting on reviews you’ve received on Goodreads, Amazon, a blog, or anywhere else. DO NOT DO THIS. EVER. DO NOT EVER DO THIS. Toss back a shot of vodka, pull up your big girl panties, buy some chocolate, AND DO NOT COMMENT. This is a part of the business you wanted to be in and it will not change. GET USED TO IT. Go to Amazon, pull up a BIG NAME AUTHOR and read their nasty-ass reviews. They get a lot of them. Did it make a difference to their career? NOOOO. In fact, it’s kind of a sign of success. If you want to be a professional author, act professional. Full stop.

Reviews, both negative and positive, are the building blocks of word-of-mouth advertising. It’s all good, people. So try to do what I’m trying to do — enjoy the ride! The view is kind of spectacular!!